the adult world

The adult world is another room. Its door is ajar. I’m here in the hall. Sometimes it’s open wide enough for me to look in. Sometimes it’s open wide enough for me to slip in. I could never push it open. Not allowed. If I go inside, I have to slip. And if I enter, I have to exit.

Can’t describe what’s inside the room, but sometimes it scares me.

Currently reading Kaze to Ki no Uta, a manga from the 1970s by Keiko Takemiya. In it, the beautiful Gilbert Cocteau lets his body be used by other, mostly older boys. Despite finding Gilbert attractive, they act repulsed by him. And despite getting so physically close with so many people, Gilbert stays emotionally detached. Why is he like this? One classmate tells new student Serge about a time when Gilbert was assaulted by a grown man in a bar. I haven’t gone past that scene yet. Nothing explicit is shown, but the implications are enough. Gilbert’s early encounter (though maybe not his first) with the adult world is overwhelming and terrifying. He’s been inside that room.

Have you been inside that room? Can you open the door?